Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
