Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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