I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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