We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
