i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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