dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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