My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
