420 ftw
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
