My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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