Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
