theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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