She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
