Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize