Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
