Don't make out with my wife yet
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize