C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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