he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm really busy with my period
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