and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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