i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to calm my uterus...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
