I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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