Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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