I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
