Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
