What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
