HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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