I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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