He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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