I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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