I don't think brook has ever known best
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
