I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
