Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
