I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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