I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
