I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
