Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
