is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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