woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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