I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
