he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
