I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
