The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
