Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
