i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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