I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize