So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
