Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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