he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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