going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
