can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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