i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize