I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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