i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
