I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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