You work out of a Hotel?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
