I wanna bring you to show and tell
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
