I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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