I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize