You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
