And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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