I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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