Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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