I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
