I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I will be naked everywhere
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
this hospital has no fireball
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
