Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
