btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize