i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
