we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
