I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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