he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
