You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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