we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
