i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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