so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
