I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
