3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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