she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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