haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
