where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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