He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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