The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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