he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
